can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
