Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
