Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we're making bets on your personal life
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
