You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
