no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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