Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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