he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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