Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pooping to opera.
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