Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
