I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do vagina's smell?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
