Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
