i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
