I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
