you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
