everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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