what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
