i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
