HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
