things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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