i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
