hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
