I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
