She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
