I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
