Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
