We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
