he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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