Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
