i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
