my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think i peed on brittanys purse
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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