Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
