I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
