My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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