he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
