I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
