We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
