Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
