Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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