Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
