I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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