I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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