And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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