I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
