Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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