Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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