Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
