hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
