# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
