You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
