That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
