I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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