did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
