WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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